Who Says MarySues Are Nothing But Trouble?
by balrogthane
Summary: Product of the author's twisted mind. Rated for highly unpleasant ideas. Read at your own risk. COMPLETED


Disclaimer  
  
Apparently, these things are important. So I'll just stick this at the front of every story I put out here: this story is not for money ! I am not going to get anything for it ! That should be obvious, seeing as it's here on FF.net, but if it isn't then this makes it clear.  
  
All right, as to ownership-- I own only the Sue. I do NOT own any of the other characters, nor do I own Lord of the Rings, nor do I own any rights to it! There.  
  
Now you can read the story. :-)  
  
-(----  
  
Who Says Mary-Sues Are Nothing But Trouble?  
  
"Well, Sam, I've got to admit those pots are proving mighty useful!" Pippin leaned back contentedly. Sam grinned.  
  
"Yes, it would be hard to take advantage of this luck if it were not for them." The other members of the Fellowship murmured their agreement. After a satisfied belch from-- was that Legolas?! He always did seem to eat more of this new food, anyway-- Sam began cleaning up.  
  
"It's also very nice not to have to carry all that food," Frodo added, heaving himself to his feet. "The benefits far outweigh the dangers-- especially since the dangers can't be avoided..."  
  
Boromir casually picked his teeth with his dagger. "Oh, I don't know. They're not that dangerous to me. Mostly the Ranger or the Elf, here."  
  
"Speaking of the Ranger," said Sam, looking around, "where's Strider got to?"  
  
"Off striding somewhere," Gimli replied with a chuckle. Legolas rolled his eyes.  
  
"Dwarves should stick to working with metal and stone. Leave the wordplay to Elves, or even Men, for pity's sake!"  
  
Gimli just chuckled again. He was always in a good mood when he was full, for which Sam felt very grateful.  
  
The other members of the Fellowship gathered up their various belongings and headed off as soon as Aragorn reappeared, continuing on their course west of the Misty Mountains.  
  
"Say, isn't it time for supper?" Pippin called, several hours later.  
  
"Well, supper hasn't arrived yet," Sam grumped back at him. The only bad side to this new food source: it wasn't entirely predictable.  
  
Tonight, however, someone seemed to have heard Pippin, and answered immediately. This particular entry wasn't one of the flying ones, or a sudden appearance in the path before them, or (Eru save us) the bright light from another dimension. No, this one came from back down the path they had been following.  
  
"Hail the Nine Walkers!" it called, running up behind them. Then it stopped and declaimed, "I am Ellemania Bluesky, daughter of Galadriel and an unknown man. I come to seek my father, and I have knowledge that it is Gandalf the Grey." She looked triumphantly at him, then turned her gaze on Legolas in a way that killed all sympathy for her in the entire world.  
  
"Whatever," replied Gandalf. "I don't remember any such thing, so I'd venture you're a Mary Sue?"  
  
"Such infantile appellations appeal not to one of such high blood," the blond-haired beauty (cough COUGH) replied regally. "Admit you are my father! As you are responsible for me, I demand that you give me a place in this Fellowship, and give me also my heart's desire." Here she looked into Legolas' eyes, although the love that was supposed to be shining there was rather overcome by an incredible lustfulness.  
  
"You are the first to involve me," Gandalf muttered. "Hurry up Legolas, she's mine."  
  
"As you wish, Mithrandir," the Elf replied smoothly. He whipped out his bow, and one motion later an arrow was sticking out the back of Ellemania Bluesky's head. She almost squawked before collapsing in a heap.  
  
"All right, stand back," Sam muttered. "Gimli, get the fire going. I'll prepare our repast."  
  
"I must admit, I was quite disgusted with you Hobbits when you first suggested this," Boromir said thoughtfully, looking down on the heap of Ellemania with distaste. "But you are completely right, I now realize. These creatures are not human in the least, and to waste a perfectly good kill would be foolishness. I want an arm tonight."  
  
-Author's note-   
  
Oh, horrors! This is a (clearly) sick and twisted idea that popped into my brain. I think it was after reading some of the other anti-MS stuff that my mind wandered down this path, and, well... resistance was futile. So here it is, please feel free to flame me (if I don't get flamed I'll wonder what's wrong with FF.net... )  
  
-(---- 


End file.
